Eight Books That Healed This Adoptee's Heart
Healing, and the individual journey we each take on our unique paths, has been on my mind lately. The National Association of Adoptees and Parents recently invited me to speak at their Fall mini-retreat “Journeying Together Toward Healing.” Across two sessions, I will share my personal story and present on the healing tools and strategies that have benefited me across my search and reunion journey. Thus, I have been reflecting on the many resources I have on my book shelf, and came up with eight books that healed this adoptee’s heart. I chose not to include “The Primal Wound” here, as it seems a given, and I wanted to highlight some of my additional discoveries. But if you are reading this, and you have not yet read The Primal Wound, I encourage you to start there.
COMING HOME TO SELF: THE ADOPTED CHILD GROWS UP, By Nancy N Verrier
“Coming Home to Self” is one of my favorites so far. It is lesser known than the author’s first book, “The Primal Wound” but just as good. This book is written for all members of the adoption constellation: adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents, as well as those in relationship with us, including professionals. It explains the influence imprinted upon the adoptee’s neurological system, and examines how false beliefs create fear and perpetuate being ruled by the wounded child. It is a book that helps adoptees discover their authentic selves.
HEALING THE CHILD WITHIN: DISCOVERY AND RECOVERY FOR ADULT CHILDEN OF DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES, By Charles L. Whitfield, M.D.
“Healing the Child Within” describes how the inner child is lost to trauma and loss, and how by recovering it, we can heal the fear, confusion, and unhappiness of adult life. Eighteen years and more than a million copies sold later, Healing the Child Within is a perennial selling classic in the field of psychology. And it is even more timely today than it was in 1987. Recent brain research, particularly on the effects of trauma on the brain of developing children, has supported Whitfield’s intuitive understanding as a psychiatrist. I covered this book in a prior post about ACE (adverse childhood experience) scores.
WHEN THE PAST IS PRESENT: HEALING THE EMOTIONAL WOUNDS THAT SABOTAGE OUR RELATIONSHIPS, By David Richo
The popular author of How to Be an Adult in Relationships reveals how past trauma can negatively impact our present-day relationships—and offers guidance on how to identify and heal the emotional wounds of the past. Richo helps readers recognize how attractions and aversions to people in the present can be signals of our own unfinished business and offers practical guidance, for freeing ourselves from old wounds and destructive behavioral patterns to foster healthier, happier relationships.
SEVEN CORE ISSUES IN ADOPTION AND PERMANENCY: A COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE TO PROMOTING UNDERSTANDING AND HEALING IN ADOPTION, FOSTER CARE, KINSHIP FAMILIES AND THIRD PARTY REPRODUCTION, by Sharon Roszia and Allison Davis Maxon
This book dives into the seven core issues related to adoption: Loss, Rejection, Shame/Guilt, Grief, Identity, Intimacy, and Mastery/Control. This essential guide introduces each core issue, examines its impact on individuals, and offers techniques for growth and healing. This is a text heavy book that reads a bit academic, but is well worth the price, and it is jammed-packed with takeaways.
THE JOURNEY FROM ABANDONMENT TO HEALING: SURVIVING THROUGH AND RECOVERING FROM THE FIVE STAGES THAT ACCOMPANY THE LOSS OF LOVE, By Susan Anderson
Susan Anderson, a therapist who has specialized in helping people with loss, heartbreak, and abandonment, shares recent discoveries in neuroscience that help put your pain in perspective. The author explores the five universal stages of abandonment—shattering, withdrawal, internalizing, rage, lifting—by understanding their biochemical and behavioral origins and implications. Healing exercises are included.
Susan Anderson has devoted more than 30 years of clinical research to helping people overcome abandonment trauma and its aftermath of self sabotaging patterns. Founder of the abandonment recovery movement, Anderson is author of the Abandonment Recovery Workbook and Taming Your Outer Child which guides people through a protocol specific to healing abandonment, heartbreak, and loss. You can contribute to Susan’s ongoing research project by submitting your stories to her website or visit her on Facebook.
ADOPTION THERAPY: PERSPECTIVES FROM CLIENTS AND CLINICIANS ON PROCESSING AND HEALING POST-ADOPTION ISSUES, Edited by Laura Dennis
With writing by adoptees, adoptive parents, and clinicians, Adoption Therapy provides insight, advice, and personal stories highlighting the specific nature of the adoptee experience. Visit www.laura-dennis.com.
Topics Include:
• Trauma and grief
• The importance of community
• Attachment
• Co-dependency, intimacy, and creating closeness
• Processing complex trauma, complex grief, and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and much more.
THE BODY KEEPS THE SCORE: BRAIN, MIND, AND BODY IN THE HEALING OF TRAUMA,
By Bessel van der Kolk M.D.
A pioneering researcher transforms our understanding of trauma and offers a bold new paradigm for healing in this New York Times best seller. Trauma is a fact of life especially for adoptees. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, uses recent scientific advances to show how trauma literally reshapes both body and brain, compromising sufferers’ capacities for pleasure, engagement, self-control, and trust. He explores innovative treatments – from neurofeedback and meditation to sports, drama, and yoga – that offer new paths to recovery by activating the brain’s natural neuroplasticity.
ATTACHED: THE NEW SCIENCE OF ADULT ATTACHMENT AND HOW IT CAN HELP YOU FIND AND KEEP LOVE, By Amir Levine
Subtitled, “The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love, in this revolutionary book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller scientifically explain why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle. While this book does not focus on adopted people, it provides an understanding of adult attachment. Attached guides readers in determining attachment style and offers a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections. I downloaded the audio book to save some money and wished I had bought it. Although priced at $70 bucks, it is worth every penny.
Plus a Bonus Workbook
THE ADVERSE CHILHOOD EXPERIENCES RECOVERY WORKBOOK: Heal the Hidden Wounds from Childhood Affecting Your Adult Mental and Physical Health, By Glenn R. Schiraldi PhD
We’re all a product of our childhood, and if you’re like most people, you have experienced some form of childhood trauma. Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) are at the root of nearly all mental health disorders, including depression, anxiety, panic disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Memories associated with ACEs imprint on a child’s brain, and can manifest themselves mentally and physically throughout adulthood—even decades after the traumatic incident. So, how can you begin healing the deep wounds of ACEs and build strength and resilience?
In this innovative workbook, trauma specialist Glenn Schiraldi presents practical, evidence-based skills to help you heal from ACEs. In addition to dealing with the symptoms, you’ll learn to address the root cause of your suffering, change the way your brain responds to stress and the outside world, and soothe troubling memories.
