As an adoptee, I recently had the privilege of attending the CUB (Concerned United Birthparents) Retreat 2024 in Kansas City, Missouri. Having attended two Untangling Our Roots conferences, I had met several first mothers who encouraged me to join them at CUB. I knew this event would be wonderful and healing, as it provides an inclusive space for first parents and adoptees to connect, share, and learn from eachother.

CUB Storytelling Hour: Setting the Tone

The retreat kicked off with the CUB Storytelling Hour, organized and led by Amy Seek. In a Moth-style performance, set to the theme “If only I had said….” For two hours, we held space for each other, as both first mothers and adoptees shared 5-minute stories that brought tears, chill bumps, sighs, and applause. As I listened to these raw, honest accounts, I felt a profound connection with my fellow attendees. It set the tone for the entire retreat, emphasizing the power of personal narratives to heal and process our pain.

Sessions and Speakers

An impressive lineup of speakers and panels offered unique perspectives on various aspects of adoption. The first panel titled, “Identity: Are We There Yet?”, explored the impact of transracial adoption through the lens of a first parent, an adoptee, and an NPE (Not Parent Expected). Dr. Abby Hasberry, Kara Rubinstein Deyerin, and Melanie Bonner shared valuable insights into recognizing and trusting our own internal compasses rather than following societal dictates or non-genetic relatives’ expectations.

Another thought-provoking session was “Conceiving Christian Families/Deceiving Vulnerable Mothers,” which explored the historical and political impact of faith-based saviorism in adoption and third-party reproduction. Rev. Dr. Janine Vance Myung Ja, author of “Adoption History: An Adoptees Research into Child Trafficking,” her twin Jenette Vance Yamamoto, Professor Risa Cromer, and therapist Leslie Pate Mackinnon brought diverse perspectives to this complex topic.

The “Adoption Law Inequities Panel” addressed the many legal issues related to mother and child separation versus family preservation. This included an informative discussion with attorneys Malinda Seymour, Erik Louis Smith, and Heather Kuhn providing valuable insights into the legal landscape of adoption.

Author Panel: Voices of Experience

The “CUB Telling Our Stories Panel of Authors” was of course one of my favorite panels. Featuring readings from Rebecca Wellington, author of “Who Is A Worthy Mother: An Intimate History of Adoption,” Julia MacDonnell, author of “Hidden Girls: A Birth Mother’s Story of Reunion & Reckoning,” and Monica Hall, with her book “Practically Still A Virgin.” Each reading brought a truly unique and multifaceted perspective to the adoption narrative.

Having read Rebecca’s and Monica’s books prior to the retreat, I was especially excited to hear them read in person. Hall’s dual perspective as an adoptee and first mother was especially enlightening, offering a unique glimpse into the complexities of both experiences. I’m now looking forward to reading Julia’s book to complete this powerful trio of perspectives.

The highlight was the screening of “SOMEBODY’S DAUGHTER” written, produced, and performed by adoptee Zara Phillips. This talented singer, songwriter, actor, author, and activist took us on an adoptee journey through England and America as she searched for her birth father, her roots, and ultimately, herself. Having had my own wonderful reunion with my birth father, this movie touched me deeply.

For more on these books, check out my latest post: Three Don’t Miss Adoption Books

Morning Journaling with Candice Cahill

I especially enjoyed participating in the morning journaling session led by Candice Cahill, author of “Goodbye Again.” Candice provided a safe, structured, and healing space to explore our experiences and feelings. Putting pen to paper in such a supportive environment allowed us to tap into the deep emotions the retreat surfaced and provided a much-needed creative outlet.

Throughout the retreat, I had the opportunity to listen to others, forge new friendships, and reconnect with my tribe. The experience was both cathartic, educational, and enlightening.

Final Thoughts

The CUB Retreat 2024 was a powerful reminder of the strength and resilience within our community, and how important it is for us to lean on each other for support and connection. From the Storytelling Hour to the panel discussions and film screening, every moment inspired sharing, healing, and growth. Whether you’re a first parent or adoptee, please consider attending this retreat for next year. The connections made and insights gained are truly invaluable.

To top it all off, as a fellow adoptee and I were heading back to the airport, we had a serendipitous encounter that underscored the importance of events like the CUB Retreat. Our Uber driver revealed that she too was an adoptee. Her response was surprising and telling: “Why have I never heard of this before?”

This chance meeting underscores the fact that there are still so many first mothers and adoptees that are unaware of the supportive communities and resources available. It reinforced the need to spread the word about CUB and similar organizations, to ensure that more people in the adoption constellation can find the support, understanding, and sense of community that events like CUB provide.

For more information or to register for future events, visit the CUB website. Let’s continue to support one another, spread awareness, and work towards adoption reform. Who knows? The next person you share your story with might be someone who’s been waiting their whole life to hear they’re not alone.